Tweets

ran 3.7 mi http://t.co/Ukz8judU

So happy to get rid of my HTC Evo Shift and replace it with an iPhone 4S.

The reason why AIDS is more likely to infect uncircumcised men is that the foreskin is a thinner, more easily infected part of a penis.

Sad I won’t be wearing my Patagonia down jacket anymore because of my allergies to dust mites that inhabit down.

E last changed his height on the Wii Fit 2 years ago. He’s added 11 pounds since then and yesterday it told him he’s “at risk of obesity”.

I hope the Billy Crystal cyborg won’t be hosting the Academy Awards in 2052.

Don’t care if Ryan Braun was taking PEDs or not. But are epaulettes in fashion again? Members Only FTW! http://t.co/wknuXMQV

Just bought a box of Samoas from my niece. Mmmmm, coconut and chocolate. Will need to run a bit more this weekend.

The world is a lesser place whenever it loses a woman who wears an eyepatch. http://t.co/TgcwvKyF

UPS’ Dilbertian slogan on their trucks: “Synchronizing the World of Commerce” vs my version: “We Ship Shit in Brown Trucks”