Tweets

Birth rate rises in 9 months as teens start practicing coitus interruptus retroactively.

This Parisian McDonald’s must be a front for a La Femme Nikita training academy. http://t.co/vhKxCFuT

Tim Yawnplenty

Amazing Spider-Man: best superhero movie ever!

Passed by the “Data Nerd Express” bus today after its morning dropoff at Google’s new offices at The Quad campus.

I crushed a 4.4 mi run with a pace of 7’57” with Nike+ SportWatch GPS. #nikeplus http://t.co/RKbkunJ1

I crushed a 1.4 mi run with a pace of 18’30” with Nike+ SportWatch GPS. #nikeplus http://t.co/CfwzjHLX

Was wondering who that older Eastern European dude was in Murray’s cheering section, and then I realized it was Ivan Lendl. #Wimbledon

Good thing Federer has a full head of hair or how else would he delicately brush away his locks between points? #Wimbledon

If Andy Murray wins Wimbledon, Miles Warren can clone Andrew Garfield so that the Garfield clone can star in the Andy Murray 2037 biopic.